Episode 9
Stop Dating Projects | Annie Mayfield Morlock on Faith & Finding Real Love
What if the love story you've been praying for isn't late... it's simply unfolding in God's timing?
In this heartfelt conversation, Andrea sits down with returning guest Annie Mayfield Morlock, bestselling author, speaker, and podcast host, to talk about what happened after their last interview... Annie got engaged that very night.
Together, they dive into intentional dating, Christian relationships, recognizing red flags, dating with purpose, staying true to your values, and how to stop settling for potential. Annie shares how she knew her now-husband was different, why peace matters more than butterflies, and the relationship lessons she wishes she'd learned sooner.
Whether you're dating, healing from heartbreak, rebuilding after divorce, or simply hoping love still exists, this episode is filled with wisdom, honesty, and hope.
Because the right relationship shouldn't leave you questioning where you stand.
In This Episode:
- Annie shares the full-circle story of recording this podcast and getting engaged that very same night.
- How she knew her husband was different and why she never questioned where she stood in the relationship.
- The importance of intentional dating, having the hard conversations early, and staying true to your values.
- The biggest red flags women ignore, including dating someone's potential instead of their patterns.
- Why peace, faith, and alignment matter more than butterflies when building a lasting relationship.
⏱️ TIMESTAMPS
00:00 Welcome back Annie! The engagement update
04:10 The proposal story and why private moments matter
09:45 How Annie knew Hunter was different
15:50 Dating with intention and having the marriage conversation early
20:00 Why community dating matters and spotting red flags
25:00 Faith differences in relationships and being equally yoked
35:20 The biggest dating red flags women ignore
40:15 Why you are not meant to "fix" someone
46:00 The relationship lesson Annie wishes she'd learned sooner
48:30 What marriage actually feels like after the wedding
51:50 Waiting for sex and redefining intimacy
57:20 Healthy or Toxic? Annie's rapid-fire dating takes
💡 I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: Are you tired of dating projects? DM me...what is the one thing that you would like to do differently in your next relationship?
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Transcript
Welcome back to From Mrs. to Ms I'm your host Andrea, and you guys, I have such a treat for you today. Today's guest is actually returning to the show, which I love repeat offenders. Those are my favorite kind of peeps, I tell you, because she has so much that has happened since the last time her and I talked. I have Annie B. Mayfield. We're adding more lock on the end of this, and that's something that's happened since she was last here. She is someone who is incredibly grounded.
And she is a five-time bestselling author. She's a speaker, a podcast host, and she's so grounded in her Christian faith and her message of purpose, healing, and self-worth. She's also the author of Made to Shine, a book all about healing and helping women to rediscover their identity, their confidence, and their worth through faith. Now, the first time that Annie was on the podcast, she was, well, she wasn't single, but she was like, wait, you weren't even engaged, girl.
Hi, by the way. Hi.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Hi! my gosh, I'm
so honored to be here, Andrea. literally from the first time we had our first conversation, I was like, this is one of those people I could talk to for hours and the fact that you would be on podcast is so special. But no, yeah, I mean, the day I got engaged is the day we recorded our last conversation. You were my last, like my last conversation before I got engaged, which was wild.
Andrea (:you're so sweet.
Yes, yeah.
And we talked
about it on that episode. I'll put in the I'll put a link to the previous episode in the show notes so you guys can go back and listen. But yes, I ⁓ I remember we were talking about it and asking about like when you thought you were gonna get engaged or and you were like, I don't know. And you were just kind of in this phase of like you felt really confident and certain about it, but you always have those little bit of a doubt, right? Like in the back, like you're like, but what if?
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Yeah.
Yeah
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Andrea (:What if this is he doesn't feel the same way and he's pretending this whole time? ⁓
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Yeah, no,
so true. was like, remember having such a fun conversation about singleness. And even like, you know, for me, just you're dating somebody, but I think it's like being that next step of obviously, I've never been engaged before. I didn't know what that process looks like. So I was like, okay, I'm single before the Lord, per se, but I'm dating somebody. What does this look like? We talked all about that. And then got engaged that night. So it was just such a
Andrea (:Yes.
Yeah.
Yes.
We did. ⁓ my gosh.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:such a fun way to kind of like in the circle of the season I've been in.
Andrea (:It was.
And I'm not gonna I'm not gonna try to pretend like I didn't have something to do with that, Annie. I mean I'm not gonna pretend. I I felt I spoke it out into existence in there. He was waiting for me to call him into you. I know it. I know it.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:You brought that thing full circle! I did!
⁓ my gosh. It was so sad.
Andrea (:I was so I'm so glad you're back. So today we're gonna do a little bit less of like an interview. We're just gonna have more of a girls chat about like faith and timing, modern dating, relationships, and what it's like when life suddenly changes in the best possible way for you when you least expect it. So we're giving people hope today. That's what we're doing.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Love, girls,
Love it. I love giving people hope. We all need hope.
Andrea (:This is so exciting. And for those of you listening, I'm a little under the weather. So if you hear me go in and out, I'm just putting it out there. I'm not making excuses, but I do sound a little bit more like a man. So watch it on YouTube. Go to YouTube. Like, follow, and subscribe. All right. So let's talk about the last time. We're gonna reiterate this again. We were you were on here with me. We chatted about it. We talked all about relationships and dating and and doing it within your Christian faith and how to stay true to God.
And how to stay true to yourself, right? And not abandon yourself. We talked all about that. Then you ran off and got engaged like the next day, because that's how we roll here from Missus to Ms, as one does. ⁓ and then ⁓ so tell me, like, what transpired? Or can you just like give us a little background? What happened with the engagement? Cause I don't even know. Like, how was it? What happened? What go, go, go? Yes.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Everyone does. Yes.
Oh my gosh. Okay. Yes. She lost my arm. I'd love to talk about my identity. Um, so it was
th,: Andrea (:Yes. Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Yes.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:We went to like, it's called the Botanical Gardens, but it's this beautiful garden in Atlanta and they have all these Christmas lights. And that was our first real date. And we sat, I remember we sat on this bench for like an hour and a half just walking. The reason we sat down, because we'd walk through the entire gardens in like 30 minutes. And my sweet now husband was like, I don't know what else to do. And I was like, we could sit and just talk.
Andrea (:Were you expecting something though at that moment? Were you thinking something's going down? He's being weird.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:⁓
So good question. Okay. Yes and no. Cause the reality of it is I think that you have the gift of hindsight. So in hindsight, I'm like, yeah, he was acting weird. Yeah. There was like, I remember he had the ring in his pocket and I thought it was weird cause you know, I wanted to give him like hugs and I'm very touchy feely. And he was like, I felt like I was getting the cold shoulder, you know, like the what's that, whatever that is called. And ⁓
Andrea (:Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:So he's being a little weird. But I think as girls, you never really accept it's happening. I mean, you never are like, it's happening. There's always that, no, I'm just in my head. I'm being weird. But when I knew it was happening is because we were on our bench like we were the year before. And I was asking him all these year in reflection questions. Like, where'd you see God this year? What'd you learn about yourself this year?
Andrea (:Yes.
Yes.
Okay.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:And this man, I love him so much because he's always so locked in when we're talking. He's the person that makes me feel like you're the only person in the world when you're talking to him. And his eyes were darting, like all over the place. He could not, he could not, and come to find out later, he was looking for the photographer. Cause like the photographer was there and he was like, where is he? And is he going to get the right angle?
Andrea (:Yeah.
I love that.
You knew something's off.
How where? Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:So anyways, lo and behold, that's when I knew I'm like, okay, I'm pretty certain. So we get up and then he gets down on one knee and reposes. And it was so fun. mean, it was, it was like a dream, but it was funny cause there are always people cheering. I thought that was our family, but they weren't. It was random people. Our family wasn't even there. Our family was at my parents' house that we drove to after, ⁓ which I didn't, I didn't think, I'll be honest, when I envisioned my engagement, I always envisioned like,
Andrea (:⁓
my gosh.
Ow.
Okay.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:I saw people have everyone there as they got engaged. And I loved the fact he did not do that because it was just us two. And we, it was like one little moment in the world where we were the only ones that knew. And we just walked around the gardens and these beautiful lights and we were just alone. I, mean, obviously do what you may with your engagement. But what I found I appreciated about it is I didn't realize
Andrea (:Yeah.
He didn't. It was just you two.
Mm.
Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:the minute we got to my parents' house, we had no alone time for like 72 hours. Because it's just everyone is so excited and everyone wants to talk to you. And it's almost like three days later, we look at each other and we're like, good to see you again, the person I'm engaged to, because there's just so much inundated love. So it was so nice to have that like an hour where it was just us. And we just celebrated, you know?
Andrea (:Wa that yes.
Yeah.
Yeah. What a great point. Because I haven't,
yeah, I haven't thought about that before because most people want their family and friends that happened with my son. And they were all, you know, we were all hiding behind trees just waiting to dart out, you know. And it is, but I love what you're saying because it did. It gave you guys that time to process it and adjust to it for like a moment before, because when it happens the other way, it's a whirlwind.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Yes, yeah, which is really cute too, but I like it. like it. Yeah.
Andrea (:You don't even know what's going on. And then you're just like, my God. my God. You know. And you have to be like over the top when you haven't even had a moment to like process it. So I love that.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:So, thank you.
Yes. And it's
so, and even when we were chatting before this about like how crazy it is going from like fiance to husband and how much of a change that is in that season, you literally go from like dating to engage to marry. There's all these not new identities, but just new positions you take on. And I've just realized the importance of yes, it's so exciting. Everyone's so excited for you because you space for yourself to like.
Andrea (:yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:feel that with yourself, your person, the Lord. It doesn't mean you're not accepting other people's excitement. If anything, it just means that you're kind of creating this stability within yourself to process everyone else's excitement even more, which is so important. Like you need to kind of take those beats where you're like, okay, we need to like really feel this for ourself because when you're really getting married, because you like love this person and you're excited for a life with this person, not just like,
Andrea (:Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
You do, yeah. Mm-hmm.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:wedding for this person. I think like that's where you're like, you need to feel that excitement between each other and what this actually means, which is we're about to say yes, a covenant under the Lord. Like how exciting, you know?
Andrea (:Yeah.
Yes. It's for life. Yes.
Yes. That is so cool. did you know pretty quickly that your husband was different from the other men that you had dated? Because you are a born-again Christian, correct? Or is right? Yeah. Yeah. I didn't want to miss misspeak that. But ⁓ and so
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Yes.
Yeah, yes, yes.
Andrea (:You know, you had lived a life before this. You did like college and all that stuff and you lived a life and then you kind of met again and then you guys moved forward in, you know, in this space together, right? And and you were a jointed. And ⁓ so was he different right off the bat?
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Yeah.
So I, when we were dating, is to make sure. Yeah, okay. So yes, yes, he was different, but I also think I was different. And it gave me eyes to pick up on the fact he was different. Like I think the reason, ⁓ you know, in my previous relationships, so I have always been, I like how you said born again Christian, because it's like, first, I've always believed in God.
Andrea (:Yes. Yeah, when you first started dating, were you like, he's different?
Yeah.
Yes.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:But the way I dated was very much in a way in that like God faith, it was like an ingredient in the relationship, not the corners built on. So down to it, you we would go to church sometimes we talk about God, but like God was not steering the steering wheel of the car of our relationship. Like we were in the steering wheel and we ended up making each other our God. Like I would.
Andrea (:Mm. Who love that?
Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:worship what this person thought about me and I would and it was like I and they worshiped what I thought about them and it always turned into like these codependent unhealthy attachment styles and what I learned in the years of singleness before I met Hunter where I really was like, okay, God like you're you're either God or you're not and I believe you are so you've got to be God of my entire life, which means I give you the way I date. I give you the way
Andrea (:Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:about myself, I give you it all. And yes, I want to get married, but I'm under no impression that marriage is the greatest gift of life. Jesus is the greatest gift of life. So if you have marriage for me, great, but no matter what, I will have the love of my life always, because it's Jesus. And when I got to that point, what it did is it, surrendered to like, who I was looking for was different. Like, yeah, were guys cute? That I was like, he's so cute. Totally. But if they don't love Christ, sorry, I'm not even interested.
Andrea (:Mm.
Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:I'm not even interested because I would always just think like, I'm going to be very weary of giving my heart to someone that hasn't first given their heart to the war that I claim I've given my heart to also. So one, what I was looking for was different. And when I met Hunter before even the way he treated me, like I think sometimes what I did was I based whether or not I liked a guy based on how he liked me and how he treated me.
Andrea (:Hmm. I love the way you think, Annie. I love it.
Mm-hmm.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:What I didn't do is before we even got there, I didn't look at the fruit of his life. Like, does he love the Lord? Is he volunteering? Does he love people? Is he kind to people? Like before we even get to him liking me and treating me a certain way, how do I see him treating people that he can't get anything from? And that's what I saw was different with Hunter. Like Hunter had an established relationship with the Lord before I came around. He was known.
Andrea (:Yeah.
Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:church as the guy that was like the kindest guy in the world and I knew those things before Hunter even knew me and before I even knew him and ⁓ Yes, we met at church Which is so crazy because I never thought like I'd been a part of this church since I was in high school Never saw hunter the first time I saw hunter was the day hunter got baptized Still didn't talk after like we he didn't know me. I just was in the crowd as he got baptized I was like man this guy this man seems like
Andrea (:Was he at your church? You were at the same church. Okay, okay. I love that. Okay.
Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:really mature, love the word, legit, like hardworking. And then we ended up meeting at like a volunteer event. So I knew Bonchir. And I think that it's like, I think we as women so often, we are wired to wanna nurture and take care of, and we long for being desired. I think what I got into was I was like, if he desires me,
Andrea (:Legit
You knew he volunteered. There so there is that. Yep.
Mm.
Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:That means I'm supposed to be with him. No, that is not the only criteria. And with Hunter, like, I'm like, okay, he desired the Lord before he desired me. So when we did get into a relationship, what I saw was he treated me in accordance with how he felt his God would want his daughter to be treated, not how he felt he would want to treat a girlfriend or treat a girl he was attracted to.
Andrea (:Yeah.
Yeah.
Mm.
Yeah. Wow.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:two very different things. He loved the Lord and feared the Lord. So he respected the crap out of me. And that what I saw was different. Was I was like, this man has the love and fear of God. So he's like, you are not just a girl I'm attracted to. You are the daughter of the God that I believe is like sovereign over all. I'm gonna be very intentional with what I say to you, how I treat you. Now he's not perfect, but I saw
Andrea (:Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:That was his intent. Like he wanted to honor me so much. And that's, that's what was different. The last thing I'll say to that is to like, cause we're talking about kind of engagement full circle. No, I didn't know when we were going to get engaged, but with Hunter, I never guessed where I stood. I never guessed that he loved me and that he had plans to marry me. Dating is not a cul-de-sac you sit in. It is a
Andrea (:Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:us, you move through. Like marriage is the goal, right? Like marriage is the goal. So it's like with Hunter, I knew, I knew by his actions and by what he said that he was making a plan to marry me. didn't know when, but I knew that that plan was in place. So I didn't have this anxiety of if it's going to happen. It wasn't that it was just when, when's it going to happen? And I hope the highlights are done. Like that was it, you know? So yeah, it was.
Andrea (:Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes, yes. I'd love that you just said
that because you kind of read my mind there where I was gonna ask you, was there a point where you genuinely thought that maybe marriage just wasn't gonna happen for you? But you just answered, no. I I mean you just knew well beforehand maybe.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Thank you.
think that yes,
no, such a good point. I think it's important to say too, like, cause I have so many girlfriends right now that are in relationships and you know, between you and me and all these other people listening, some of them, they're making a plan. Some of them I see this kind of cul-de-sac energy. It's like they're just sitting there and I'm obviously, I'm not saying I'm perfect by any means, but there's one thing I feel like I did right through the Holy Spirit, convicting me to do so.
a couple months in with Hunter. Hunter is younger than me. And so I had in the back of my mind, like I was his first girlfriend, his first love. And I remember there was this thing in my heart that was like, I don't want to be someone's first love. I want to be someone's last. Like I've done the first love thing. And I worried that he is like, he's, it's his first love, but he's, has no interest in getting married. He's younger than me. Why would he? He's 25. Like that's okay. And I remember
Andrea (:⁓
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. And what
how old are you? What's the difference there?
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:I
was only 26 at the time, so only a year older. But I was like, I know, right? I'm like, I'm such a cuter. ⁓ But I remember thinking, he's 25. Most 25 year old men do not have marriage on their mind. But I have marriage on my mind. And so I remember I was super nervous to do this, but a couple months in, we'd already said, love you. I sat him down, we were at dinner. We sat down, I was like, listen.
Andrea (:okay. Okay. Cougar.
No. Hmm.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:I just want to be honest with you. My intentions are, I'm not saying this is you. I want to find my husband. I do. And if you're not there, if you're not there, again, I'm not saying you're my husband, but I'm saying that's my intention of being in this relationship. If you're not there and you just want a date to date, that is totally fine. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm just telling you, I'm not the girl for that. So I'm telling you now, what I'd like you to do is like to get really clear, like,
Andrea (:Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Not for me.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:What are your intentions? And it is, you're in no hurry to get married. You're just dating to get experience. That is totally fine. But I think we end this year before we both really get hurt, because that's not my intention. And I don't want you to feel like I'm bamboozling you. I don't want you to feel like I'm pushing you. I'm telling you, Brian, this is my goal. And Hunter did. He took some time to think about it. And he came back. And he was like, yeah, I I love you.
Andrea (:Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Assured, yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:What are we doing if not to see if this could end in marriage? But that was really pivotal for us. And I think a lot of people miss that. You can bring up that conversation first. You can be very clear with your intentions. You don't have to wait for him. Like, I think that's a gift you give yourself and him. And some women I think are afraid of bringing that up because they don't want to like lose the guy. And I'm like, you can't lose something you never had.
Andrea (:Mm.
Mm. Yeah.
Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:If the guy was never gonna marry you or never, then you would like, you're not losing that by any means. Like we're just speeding up the process and saving yourself a lot of time and pain. And so it was scary to say that, but to answer your question, like, was I ever like, am I gonna get married? Totally, totally. I was like, ⁓ I don't know. I think after that conversation,
Andrea (:Yeah.
Just to know the person. You just knew you would.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:things really changed in our relationship and it became more intentional. It was more like, hey, I wanna get to know your family. Hunter wanted to get to know my dad. Like I just, saw things change with our relationship. It was no longer like, I really love you and like you. was like, how are we actually gonna start building a life together and can we, is that gonna work? And it was just a lot more, it was a lot more intentional, you know? It was so freeing, it was so freeing.
Andrea (:Yeah.
Yes.
Right.
Mm.
So freeing. I love that you mentioned that because I am trying to really preach about intentional dating this year on my podcast. And so I, yeah, well, that's exactly the same thing is like set your boundaries, set your standards, know what you want when you're going into it. And when you're doing it, be honest and up front. The hardest thing, and a lot of people are finding this on the dating sites, is people aren't being honest. Of course, we know about a lot of things on there, but also when it asks what you're looking for.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Yeah.
Yeah, what are you saying? I'm curious like the conventional dating
And.
Yeah.
Andrea (:And a lot of times they'll put three different things, right? Like long lifetime partner, marriage, open to short, non-monogamy. You're like, what? You don't even know what you're looking for. What are you doing on here? And so that's what I've been really preaching to the listeners is like really settle with yourself and know what you're looking for. And don't like abandon that. Don't don't veer off that path just because someone's trying to push you off of it or take you down another one. You got to stick your ground, right?
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Right.
Thanks.
Andrea (:And so I I love that you said that and that you took the course of like saying it to him, knowing good and well that he could be like, Hey, I'm out. Like that this is too soon for me. And you took the chance and it, you know, it paid off for you, which is amazing. But you know, you have to take that risk. You just do it.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:So.
Yeah. ⁓
You do. And I think that goes back
to like when I said the only reason I felt like I could is because of how much I had previously, like God had done such a work in my heart to know I already have the love of my life. Like I do. Blank period, like no follow up sentences after that. I already have the love of my life. So I know my worth in Christ, which allows me to be bold like that. Cause I'm like, I don't.
Andrea (:Yeah.
Yes, said
Yes.
Yes.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:I don't need somebody that's gonna weigh me down or take me away from the Lord. Like if the Lord has someone for me to bring me closer to Him, great, but if not great, I have the bridegroom of my life, which is Jesus. you know, something you mentioned about like dating apps and people lying. And I was actually this morning, was reading a book in Ecclesiastes or a verse in Ecclesiastes. And in the Bible, it basically says like, their words are smooth like butter, but war.
Andrea (:Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
⁓
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:turns in their heart. Basically saying there is like, there's so many people that they have war in their heart. It is turmoil, it is chaos. It's not good stuff, but their words are smooth. And the point of what they were saying is eventually the truth comes out. And I think that's something that intentionally I did with Hunter early on. I used to date in isolation. If I really liked somebody, we became obsessed with each other and we spent all our time together alone. It is really...
Andrea (:Yes.
Mm.
Yeah.
Mm.
⁓ yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:And I think a lot of people do that. And it's hard, it's like this important question.
Andrea (:They do. It's not so healthy.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:You're like, oh my gosh, I wanna spend all my time with you. But what I'm seeing, especially in dating cultures and colleges, it's like, you spend so much time alone, you're no longer in community, and you are so prone to believing those words that are smooth like butter. But someone that's not directly in a relationship can speak life and truth and say, hey,
I'd watch out for this. Like what I did with Hunter early on, was like, I want to be in community before we spend a lot of time alone together. So we went to a lot of church events together. Like I wanted my friends to see us together. I wanted his friends to see us together because if they saw red flags, my friends love me, they're going to call that out. I'm over here like, he's the best, but like, is he? And I saw how he treated all these other people again that he couldn't get anything out.
Andrea (:Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Like I
saw how he treated the servers at restaurants. I saw how he treated receptionists at the cashier at CBS. I saw how he treated the janitors at our church during all these volunteer events. And I watched and it sounds creepy, but I'm like, it's not. It's seeing, technically he could be trying to get something from me, you know? But he can't get anything from all these people. That's what I'm watching. I'm watching his heart. And so I think like,
Andrea (:⁓
Sure.
That's what you're watching. Yes.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Another great thing to do that's in this theme of intentional dating is like date in community. Of course, go on date yourself. That's always great and healthy, but like date in community. Don't isolate yourself because people that love you will be able to spot a wolf in sheep's clothing a lot easier than the one dating the wolf. It's true.
Andrea (:Mm.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Yes. Great
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:And so I think
Andrea (:point.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:that that's a huge call out in healthy, intentional dating. And like you best believe when the people I love that loved me were like, Annie, he's really awesome. And not only is he awesome, but I was you with him. Like I love the person you are when you're with him. That's when I was like, okay, green flags, time to keep being intentional and continuing because it's not just, he great, but are we great together?
Andrea (:Yeah.
Mm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So for those listeners that are listening that they're just frustrated, right? And you never did the dating apps, did you? Did you? you did. You did. Okay. And so, yeah. And so even though when you're marking off, I mean, what your faith is or what you're looking for, again, you can be totally just blinded by so many different things when you're going through the apps. But people's perception, especially in the within the Christian faith, is so
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:And community can speak into that, you know?
Oh, yes, I did. Oh, yeah.
Andrea (:Different, right? Like there's there's Christians that just they were raised that way, shown certain things during church, told what to believe, maybe didn't fully read the Bible. And I I would say I'm probably in that little bit of a gray area where I was I was actually raised Presbyterian, and then you know, we were full Christian, and my mom she just passed away in December, but she was so faithful, so faithful, right? Like everything she did.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Yeah.
Andrea (:was about the Lord and you know that was just her life. Now I was raised going to church and doing all that stuff, you know, and we did that with our kids, started out going to church, and then you let them make their decision. but where I'm going with that is that, you know, I have not read the Bible from soup to nuts, right? Like I've not read the whole thing. And it it's hard to say, you know, I can stand and say I'm a Christian. But then when you start dating somebody,
Who is a true in fact Christian, like to the T, you recognize that huge difference, right? Between the two of you. Cause all of a sudden you're like, you know, they're, they're, you know, preaching back psalms and sermons to you, and you're just like, uh-huh, uh-huh. Like, like, and they're talking to you, like you should know that, because you are saying you are a Christian, but you don't, right? And this is even coming from more recently. I was dating somebody, I think I kind of mentioned this to you a little bit that, ⁓
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
you
Andrea (:A guy that I did meet online and I don't wanna over talk about him on here because I didn't get permission. But you know, he first of all I saw in his profile he had Christian and in brackets he had JW. And I was like, Whoo, Jesus wins. Like that's what I
And I, Annie, no joke. I skimmed right over that. I'm like, Christian, Jesus wins, tip, tip, tip, and kept going, right? And I'm like, great, that's what I'm looking for. Well, you know, come to find out that's a Jehovah's Witness, right? That's a very different type of Christian and somebody who has very different values, much stricter, stricter values, you know. And I wasn't in the same place with that, but
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Awesome.
Yeah.
Right. Right. Right.
Andrea (:But, you know, we got together and, you know, fireworks and attraction, all this stuff going off. And especially when, you know, I tend to think I don't think I'm picky, I'm selective, you know, and and so finding somebody that I was like, my God, he's amazing. He's like so kind and just so nice. And he's tall and he's attractive and he's all, you know, he cares about me and supports me in all of these things. At the end of the day.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Yeah.
Yeah!
Andrea (:It's it's a hard road to go down. And I'll tell you, he actually stepped away from that, from the from the Jehovah's Witness to be with me because we were not fully aligned in what their values were. And, you know, we've kind of come to we're not together now because it just in solely because it's just not we're not aligned in that way, you know, and he felt like he was being pulled away from it, you know, because he couldn't be truly who he wanted to be.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Hmm.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Mm.
Andrea (:And as much as we cared about each other now, you know down the road that is going to become resentment, a source of contention, right? Where you're just like, well, you know, so I could feel him starting to move back a little bit slowly, but really torn because he loves me, wants to be with me this way. It was very, very tricky and you know, to kind of navigate. And ⁓ I'm I mean, I'm totally at peace within my heart because I know that's.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Yeah. Yep.
Andrea (:He needs to do and and and go where he feels he belongs. And we just were not at the same, the same place. You know, but but going, yeah, but going back to what I was saying about it's it's interesting how you start to discover that and so much that I learned from him because I have been all these years going around, well, I'm a Christian, I'm a Christian, I was raised that way. But am I, am I really walking that walk? Am I doing all of the things that I'm reading that Christians should be doing, feeling that Christians should be doing, or am I just out there saying, ⁓
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:in place.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Andrea (:I'm a Christian. So it's interesting now. I'm looking at it a little bit differently, right? Like I'm now I'm I am being way more selective. And when they do say they are Christian on there, let's talk about that. Like what does that really mean to you? Right. So it kind of opens up a lot of new things. Interesting.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Yeah. Yeah.
It does,
well, one, I think it's so powerful to address the fact that like, the fact that there's this desire on your heart when you think about this God-given gift of like marriage or relationship, partnership, the Bible, literally the first problem ever mentioned in the Bible is it's not good for man to be alone. Like these desires we have to partner, it's a God-given desire.
Andrea (:Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:And I
think like, wow, how amazing that for people like yourself, other people listening, that they realize this desire to not want to be alone. They are now filtering it by, okay, it's not that I just don't want to be alone with, I want to be with somebody. It's I want to be with a Christian. That's a win. Like, that's awesome. And I think we live in such a world that loves to label and grade and select. It's like, oh, they're more Christian than me. they, because they, blah, blah.
Andrea (:Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:I think the most important thing to remember is like, God loves us. God wants us to have the things that he says are good for us, which is partnership and love and relationship. And when I look at selection of like friendships or just the people that speak over my life, whether that's a partner, husband, I'm dating somebody, well, obviously not me, but just like someone's dating somebody. ⁓
I guess I'm forever dating my husband, so that, like some ships or whatever have you. But when I look at that, I think it's so important you use that word aligned. That is so important. You've just got to be aligned. For me, Annie Mayfield Morlock, what do I believe? I believe Jesus Christ is the son of God. I believe he died and rose so we could all have new life and that that is good news. It's not good news to go follow a bunch of rules to be good enough that we can know enough Bible verses to be.
Andrea (:Yeah. Yep.
Mm.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Christian enough. No, no, no, no, no. It's good news because Jesus did that. So now from that recognition, we can live a new life and desire and crave the things that are good for us versus these things that are not good for us. And I think it's like, it's not about knowing enough or doing enough. It's just about realizing God's already done it all. The difference between religion and relationship is religion says do, relationship says done. Jesus has done it all. So that's what I believe. Okay.
Andrea (:Mm-hmm.
Mm.
Yes. Preach it, girl.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Knowing that,
if I meet somebody that maybe they know every word of the Bible, because the Lord knows there's Christians that know every word of the Bible, but they do not love people, they judge people more than they serve people, we're not aligned. They might be a Christian, they might attend church every Sunday, heck, they might be the head of the church, but if they don't love the number one commandment,
Andrea (:Yes.
Mm mm.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:We are not aligned. And so I think that, you know, and there's some sex of faith that like, they like don't believe Jesus is the son of God. They believe Jesus, they don't believe he's the son of God. They believe he was a prophet. And it's like, not aligned. I believe Jesus is the way he lives. So I say that because you said it so beautifully. I think the first thing is you've got to figure out what do you believe? What are your principles? What are your things? You might not believe Jesus is the son of God.
Andrea (:Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:You might not believe that, ⁓ you you might not want kids. You might not want to live in Atlanta. Just giving examples here. Okay, well then I probably wouldn't pair up with someone who does want kids or doesn't live in Atlanta or very fervently believes Jesus is the son of God. that, I think we first have to establish our principles before we go out and seek people that we're looking to link arms with.
Andrea (:Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:The Bible calls it being equally yoked. Yoked is this imagery of a yoke. It's two oxen carrying a wooden beam or whatever have you. The point of being equally yoked, especially in faith, is because if one oxen wants to go this way and this oxen wants to go that way, but they're yoked together, that is going to be so painful for both of them. And so obviously life happens
Andrea (:Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Yes, yes.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:you know, times get hard. But I think about me and my husband, we are so freaking aligned on the things that matter for us. Like Jesus is son of God. When we're in a hardship, we're not fighting these battles with our fingers texting or calling. We're fighting them on our knees. We're aligned in that. So when times are hard, we're still moving together. We're not making it harder by
Andrea (:Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:by going in different directions away from each other. And that's why you date with intention. Like you said, that's why you establish your principles first, not later. And you don't find someone and then establish them and mold them to fit this other person's because God gave you a heart and a mind for a reason to establish that for a reason. And I think that that's the point of getting so clear. And so I love that.
Andrea (:Mm-hmm.
Yes, yes.
Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:to give that story of what you've gone through and what you've experienced after the fact. It's so important because I think women do need to hear like we as women, I think the way that we love a lot of times is we shape shift ourselves to meet the expectations of another person. And that is not our superpower, our superpower in crisis to establish our principles and to set the temperature.
Andrea (:Yeah.
We do. We do.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:of relationships and houses and being in partnership with other person aligned with that, that can help lead and nurture and grow. Like that's her superpower. so anyways, that was a tangent, but I think your principles, it's so important.
Andrea (:Mm.
Mm. No, I love it.
So
important. Do you think there's a lot of like red flags that, you know, a lot of women are just ignoring because they're so afraid of being alone? They just crave, you know, the intimacy and they create the attraction and the compatibility and all of that stuff. And they just, whoo, red flags passing them by, going right out the window. You know? Gosh, what do you think some of those are? Like that we could tell the listeners, hey, let's try and watch a little bit more closely for something like this.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Lordy knows. Yes.
Number stinkin' because I've seen it time and time again, and this is what I watched out for the most with Hunter, was look at their actions, not their words. That's number one. I mean, and that's for anything, but it's like, okay, do they keep their word? Like with their actions? They say they're going to pick you up at a certain time, do they? They say they're going to take you out a certain night, do they?
Andrea (:Mm-hmm. Huge telltale.
Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:They say they're gonna plan, they say they want to see you, do they? I mean, if a guy wants to see you, he will see you. I'm sorry, can we stop with the excuses? Like hanging out at night, watching Netflix, texting you up, that's not it. That's not it. He will see you. Also, my ladies dating who really wanna get engaged, it breaks my heart, because I have a lot of friends in this position now, but like, if a guy wants to get engaged, he
Andrea (:Mm-hmm.
Yes.
You wanna do, we will.
Yes.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:He
will make a plan. I'm not saying, my gosh, I'm not saying he's gonna like get the ring today and propose by tomorrow. No, no, no, no. But you will see him, wanna get to know your dad? You'll see him make a plan. You will see him be like, hey, have you gotten your ring size? Hey, what styles do you like? Hey, he will initiate that. Hey, like I, ⁓ I mean, Hunter, the way we did it is he wasn't gonna tell me when it was gonna happen, but he, like I remember he was like, okay.
Andrea (:Mm-hmm.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Give me advice. I want to start getting to know your dad more. What do need to do? And he did it. He took him out to dinner. He did those things. he, Hey, I, ⁓ like I'm thinking about getting the ring. I'm you go with your mom. Here's the appointment. Go your ring size, figure out what you like, work with the sales associate. Then I will work with her. Hunter initiated that. Hunter was like, Hey, I'm giving you a range. know you want your highlights done. The engagement, the proposal will happen in between the months of
Andrea (:Yeah.
Nice.
Ha ha.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:November to March. So here's your timeline. Have your highlights done consistently. And I was like, that's why even when we were on the podcast the last time, I didn't know when I was going to be engaged, but there was not a doubt in my mind that it was going to happen because he was acting on his word. Man had a spreadsheet of checklist items. Like, and he shared it with me. I mean, he, like, he had
Andrea (:It's awesome.
Yeah.
Yes.
Mm.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:actions to back up what he was saying. And what I'm seeing right now, whether you're dating and want to be engaged, whether you're figuring out, we official? Like, are we not seeing anybody anymore? Like, are we just dating each other? It's that there's a lot of breaking of words. There's a lot of words, but there's not a lot of action to back that up. So I think that's the biggest red flag. And I'm not saying the first time, like they said they'd be here at six. It's six seven. They just got here. I'm not saying that.
Andrea (:Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Age.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:I'm saying like consistent breaking of what they said they were going to do. And the reason I think that's the biggest red flag is if we zoom this out, like.
Andrea (:Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:I think about is this the father of my children I want to have? kids, my father, the father of my kids is constantly telling them he's gonna do stuff and he doesn't. Do I want that for future children? No, the way this person is treating you is very indicative for my ladies that want kids, how they're gonna be holding their word to your kids one day. So watch that. that's like, that's the biggest thing.
Andrea (:Mm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mm.
That's amazing.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:that I think that I see, I think that the second thing that I would just add is look at their relationships in their life. Like, do they have solid friends that they've consistently held? Do they have, I mean, obviously I understand sometimes with families, there can be some interesting dynamics, but I think, you know, not talking about extreme situations, but just for a constant through line, like how do they treat their mom? What's their family relationship look like?
Andrea (:Yes.
Mm.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Do they make it a point to contact them, to call them? Of course, not considering extenuating circumstances. ⁓ But I think looking at the relationships of their life, like when I've gotten into trouble in the past dating people, they didn't have any relationships in their life. I mean, I think sometimes women, we feel like we can fix things and we wanna provide what's lacking. And no, only Jesus saves, not you.
Andrea (:Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:You are not
Andrea (:Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Jesus. Literally anyone listening that will free some people. You are not Jesus. Your job is not to save anyone. Only Jesus saves. So with that in mind, I think it's okay to say don't look for a project. Look for some party built in Christ and then go partner with them so then you can be even a further footprint for the gospel. Yeah.
Andrea (:Yeah.
Mm.
Yeah.
I love that. I love
that because I feel like I've been stuck, you know, ⁓ in years past, and I talked about this probably most in the first year of the podcast, was how I felt like I was always trying to fix somebody or, you know, do things for them. And you're thinking, if I just did this for them, they're gonna love me. And if I just help them get to this point, you know, and then they're just consistently treating you crappy, and you're, you know, you can't get aligned with them at all, yet you're still.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Where?
⁓
Andrea (:you're still chasing and chasing and chasing, you know. And so I I I think that's a really good telltale of growth. When you start to recognize that, and for me, I really started to recognize that wow, I am the beaming light here and I am the energy source that that's why I'm attracting these guys that just need help and need to be fixed because, well, because I was giving it right. And so and they want to suck the energy out of me, you know, and take that. Yeah. It's so true.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
⁓ they do. It's like, like, almost what came
to mind was like, if you picture, mean, every single human has a hole in their heart that only God can fill. The problem is, if you think of like, I have this hole in my heart, and this person has their, or a woman has this hole in her heart, and the man has this hole in his heart. A lot of women get filled by trying to fill this man's heart.
Andrea (:Yeah.
Yes.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Only God was designed to fill those holes. So what you need to do is look at yourself and say, why am I trying to fill this hole in my heart by deeming my worth contingent on my ability to fix this other person? Why am I feeding my worth with that? So when the only thing that was designed to fill my heart was the Lord, that's the only thing. And so we can do that. Yeah. Yeah.
Andrea (:Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. And what is the need there though? What is that that we need to do that? You know, that's
it and that's really just not being content with yourself, right? And finding that and feeling filling God into your life, filling your family into your life, filling everything to make you whole, right? It's like we're we're seeing it in someone else. My my girlfriend, she would always say to me she would when I would start dating because she knew I'd gone through all of these, you know, crazy.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Yeah. Right.
Yeah
Andrea (:Relationships where I was doing the chasing and the fixing and all of this stuff. And she said, Andrea, I just want you to stop and think. If you are filling the role of a partner for your lifetime, this is the job position that is open for somebody to come in for your life. And you're talking to that person, would you hire that person to be with you for the rest of your life? And I was like, when she started saying it that way, I was like,
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Yeah.
Andrea (:No, because he's not showing up on time for work. He's being lazy when he's here. He's doing, you know, like a half ass job. He's not really doing you know what I mean? And I was like, You're so right. He does not get the job, you know? And so yeah. So it was
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:It's yes. And it's, and I
think it's important also to note, cause I remember when I was single, people would say stuff like that. And it irritated me because I remember being, said stuff like what I was just saying about like, need to find contentment in the Lord and you need to feel it. It's like, okay, I have been, and I still want marriage. And I think the, the, where things get misconstrued is what we are not saying is if you fill yourself with the Lord,
Andrea (:Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:you'll no longer desire marriage. Marriage is a godly desire. What I am saying is if you really let God fill that hole in your heart, you will no longer be willing to sacrifice this goal of being married with people that do not deserve that role. What you will do is you might still desire marriage and you might still desire a partner and that is amazing. Adam was walking with the Lord in the garden and God said, I don't want you to be alone.
Andrea (:Yes.
Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:God didn't say, I'm not enough for you, Adam. need to build you a helper. He just said, I am enough, but also I want you to have a partner. So when you fill that hole in your heart with the Lord, what does change is your perception of who is worthy to be that partner next to you. And you start, it's literally like God changing your taste buds. Like, my gosh, if I met Hunter, we talked about this. If I met Hunter six years ago, I don't know if either of us would have been interested in
Andrea (:Mm.
Mm.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:and each other. Like we just, weren't craving, like we weren't, that wasn't even what I was looking for. But the way, God fills your heart, it's like your taste buds change and the things that used to taste good, those guys that you would fix and you were craving, they don't taste good. And you're like, my gosh, this is so gross. Yes, they give you such an ick. And then all of sudden these things that you were like, I used to hate having that for dinner. Now I'm like, give it to me every meal. Like I am
Andrea (:That amazing.
Yes.
They don't. Ugh, they give you the ick.
TV.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:bragging
this kind of man. it is, I mean, you know, when you're younger, like I've always kind of liked the bad guy, the bad boy. And then like when my heart, when God changed my heart, was like, Hunter is the most reliable, steady, consistent, on time, has his crap together kind of guy. I am so attracted to him. Like he is, you know, he's not the bad boy. And I'm like, I'm so head over heels for this guy. And it's like,
Andrea (:Yeah.
Yes. Yeah.
⁓
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:That is,
that's the difference in God filling this hole. It's not, I'm not saying you're not going to crave marriage. I'm saying you're going to crave the right person for this desire. You know? Yeah.
Andrea (:Yeah.
Yeah. I love that. That
really ties into my last question. I was going to ask you. What was one relationship lesson that you wish that you had learned earlier, years earlier? And that's, you know, probably a really good one right there is to just stick the path too.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Ugh.
Such a good one.
Stick the path. think also like, and this is kind of just life advice, but prayer is not a last resort. It's your first line of offense. It's typically our last line of defense. We throw out a situation. It's like, no, this is your first line of offense. I mean, I think like that's anything I've seen with Hunter and I in this marriage is, you know, we genuinely, we pray all the time together. Like, I mean, it is, and that's not a flex. That's a, we realize,
Andrea (:Yeah.
Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:how much we need it. The reason we pray so much, cause I'm like, I need it. I need it cause I'm so broken and messed up and it's a crazy world and God is my lifeline. So we are so dependent on him. like Prince Charming, an earthly Prince Charming isn't gonna save your life. Hunter is my Prince Charming, but guess what? He's not the savior of my life. Jesus Christ is. And being married now on the other side, guess what? Jesus Christ is still the savior.
Andrea (:⁓
Yeah.
All right.
No.
Mm.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Like
I love my husband, my husband can't save me, my husband's not God, my husband is not, he's so limited, he's so lovely and so limited, cause he's human, I'm human, God is unlimited. And so I'm like, okay, marriage is amazing. But I feel like because of the world, the love obsessed world we live in, the romantic love obsessed world we live in, we've confused the love of our life with people.
Andrea (:no.
Yes.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:even good men, good people, but that's not the love of our life. And I would just go back to that young Annie and be like, get to know the love of your life more, which you have today at 14, 13, 15, 16, 17 years old. he is the, think about this. I'm married and maybe I hope Hunter and I will live many happy years together. The only person that is with you the entirety of your life, it's not your parents.
Andrea (:Mm.
Mm.
Mm.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:It's not your husband, it's not your dog, it's not your best friend. It is you and the Lord. So why do we spend the least amount of time with him? And so that's the advice I would give anyone is like fall in love with the Lord and then fall in love with someone that loves him too.
Andrea (:Mm-hmm.
So good.
Yes.
⁓ so good. That my friends is dating intentionally with Annie Mayfield Morlock. So good. So good. my gosh. Do you feel different like now that you're married? Did it feel different for a while? Do you think?
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Yeah.
⁓ my god.
⁓ what a good question. Honestly, no. Yes and no. Yes and no. I think like, so we really, ⁓ I think what was really cool is we didn't feel any different, but we did. I mean, we did not live together. Like we moved in together the day after we got back from our honeymoon, which I do not recommend. That was so stressful. Like we got back from our honeymoon at nine o'clock at night and the movers came at 9 a.m. to move his stuff into our new place and my stuff into our new place.
Andrea (:My gosh.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:But I say that just because it was so cool. Like I think I can truly say marriage, like when we were married, it was literally like a new life. We were living together. We've never done that before. And we had to learn all these. I never lived with a guy before. Like we had to learn all these, he hadn't lived with a girl. these things that, you know, it's like the safety of doing it in marriage. This sounds weird. So many people think marriage is so unromantic. Cause it's like,
Andrea (:I don't know.
Mm. Yeah.
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:I love this person. Why do I need a legal contract to say I love them? That's so unromantic. I'm like, it's the most freaking romantic thing in the world for someone to say, I am legally binding myself to you. Like if you go down, I can't jump ship. I'm in it with you. Like I could cry thinking about how romantic that is because that's, that's the picture of what God did for us. It's a covenant. It's I'm legally bound to you. I can't go anywhere. I'm stuck with you forever. Like I'm not with you just because I love you today, but I might not tomorrow. Like
Andrea (:Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Just stuck with me.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:I'm with you and doing this life with him. think like the way I feel different is it's just been a very cool picture of, I feel like I've come to know the Lord even more through it. Like what covenant means and what it means to be legally bound and like, whoa, I'm trusting my finances with you. I've never had to do that before. I'm huge, very scary, quite frankly. Like I'm trusting.
Andrea (:Mm. Mm-hmm. Huge.
Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:all these things with you. And it was really scary, but I was like, whoa, there's a reason God has us do this under marriage with people that are submitted to him because when that's actually how it looks, it's this beautiful depiction of a surrender of love. It's not a controlled love. It's not a, know everything you're going to do and I'm controlling everything you're going to do. It's a, I just trust you and that's scary. And it's not easy.
Andrea (:Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Wow, what a picture. So I feel like that's how I feel different. It's been really hard at times, but I've seen the Lord in so many ways.
Andrea (:Yeah.
Yeah.
I think that's super cool to think about like when you're doing everything the way God intended for you to do it, like how things just land as they may, right? Like they just fall into place. And I know circumstances happen and you know, people get they get pregnant or somebody passes away or all these things that change the dynamic of of that or the trajectory of of that path. But when you are doing it and I love that you're doing that, you know, that you guys met and dated and you were
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Yeah.
Andrea (:you did not have sex before marriage and then you got you didn't live together and then you got married and then you got your house and then you have kids it like it to me it's so that's so awesome. You know, just
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:It's so cool.
figuring out sex together, you know, it's like that so many people are like tested before you buy it. And I'm like, y'all it's a man and a woman. They will figure it out. like the beauty of marriage though, is it, it's so, it's so freeing. Like in the, in the Bible and Genesis, you know, Adam and Eve,
Andrea (:Yes. ⁓ no, I love this stuff.
Yeah, it will fight.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:were naked in the garden with no shame. Andrea, can you imagine that? Like having no shame about your naked body? And I just like, you know, the first time my husband and I were together, I felt like I just got a taste of what that would have felt like. It's like there's no shame. We are legally married. We are together. We are fully bare before each other and there's no shame. Like there's love and there is delight.
Andrea (:Yeah. No. Never
Yeah.
Yes, you are free to do that.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Yeah, and it's like, there's no wonder of, is he going to be in the bed when I wake up tomorrow? There's no wonder of how long is this going to last? Is this going to be a really good hookup for seven months? No, it is we, you and me for as long as in like, there's no, just, we have got to rewrite the narrative of sex in our culture. is like Netflix shows it as this hot, steamy, I need it now. No, no, no, no, no.
Andrea (:Yeah.
Yes.
Mm. ⁓
Mm.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:The best sex is the one that it's like, I'm willing to wait for it. It's gonna be that good. That's the beauty of God given sex. It's like, it's not, can't control myself. I need it now. It's no, no, no, no, no. It's gonna be worth the wait. And it's gonna be such an intimate, spiritual, physical, emotional, mental, like congruency of all of these things where it's like, I know no matter what, you're not leaving. There's nothing.
Andrea (:Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mm.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:intimate than that.
Andrea (:Nothing. Mm. That's awesome. Were you, did you find this is probably a little personal, but like, were you anxious or were you nervous? Like the night before, like I just picture it being like, okay, let's get this party over because you can finally be together, right? Or are you like, ⁓ or maybe it's like, but we know it's going to happen. So I don't need to rush through any of this. I feel like I'd be nervous, you know? Like the first time.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Yeah, woo!
Yes, yeah.
It was so
many, so many things. think though a lot of it too is like, you know, your wedding day, there's so many things you're thinking about. Like it's like, I'm getting married. I'm like, I've got to take pictures. The first look, my gosh, is he going to think I look pretty? Like usually you're thinking about all these things. And, ⁓ and I think though, what was really cool is honestly, I was expecting it to be like a, I'm so excited. Let's just like, I can't, but it was, it was so, ⁓
Andrea (:yeah.
Yes, yes.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:This is going to sound like a weird analogy. bear with me. Okay. I like, have you ever done fasting where you've like gone with, okay. So a lot of people, when they think about fasting and like not eating, when they do fasting incorrectly, ⁓ they just want to binge eat everything at night. When you do fasting correctly, your blood sugar gets so stable that when it's time to eat, you're not like shoving food in your face. It's actually like a
Andrea (:Okay.
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Okay, I'm making my meal, I'm making it slowly and then I'm gonna enjoy it. That's what it was like. It was like fasting correctly, which I, everything's connected. Like God makes everything to reflect his glory. So I don't think it's any surprise that like those experiences parallel, but it was like, okay, it wasn't like a, we've got to rush to get our clothes off. It was like, no, like we're gonna save our time. This is so beautiful and sacred. Like it's gonna be, ⁓
Andrea (:Mm. Interesting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
A moment, yeah.
Yes.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:It's it's sacred. we're not, we want to experience every moment of it. So we don't pass it. And it was like, it was just so beautiful. I just, really do. I feel like it was just, we both just saw the Lord so much in it, which again, a lot of people, especially well-meaning Christians, they think God like turns his eyes away when we have sex. Sex is a beautiful thing in the context of marriage and God delights in it. He said,
Andrea (:Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Be fruitful and multiply to Adam and Eve. And he's like, go have babies, go go, good job. But in the context of marriage, and that's where I just felt like the first time it was like there was so much excitement, but also there was this understanding like this is sacred and we don't want to miss any part of it. So like, let's not rush it. Like we have the rest of our lives. Like let's just enjoy, you know?
Andrea (:Mm. Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. ⁓
I love that. That was really a great analogy for it. And I'm I just always think, you know, because like you said, you're going through so much with the wedding and then you're almost exhausted by the end of the night, you know, and you're like, ⁓ gosh, now I gotta do that too. You know, it it's it's you know, so many things with the wedding you're looking forward to and the dinner and all that stuff. You don't even really get to eat because you're out, you know, saying hi to everybody. So so many things. So I love that you put it that way. That was beautiful, absolutely beautiful.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Yeah, yeah.
so tired. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yep.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Andrea (:my
gosh, so so good. I you give me such great material all the time. When you such great you have such great like analogies and ways of see
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Well, I make like a
layup with volleyball. It's so easy. You ask such your questions. I love our conversation.
Andrea (:⁓
good. Okay, so speaking of real quick questions, I'm gonna throw some at you here just for a little fun game. It's called healthy or toxic. And so I just want you to kind of say if you think this little situation is considered healthy or toxic based on Christian values, based on your thoughts, your life, how you feel about things. So this is you. Okay. If he says he's not ready for a relationship, but talks to every single day, is that healthy or is that toxic? I think so too, right?
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Okay.
Toxic.
⁓ shit.
Andrea (:Cause he's telling
you he's getting his cake and eating it too.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Yeah,
that to me that sounds like he isn't ready for commitment, but he wants convenience of not being alone.
Andrea (:Yes, absolutely. Okay. Praying for your future husband.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:healthy all the way. Pray, pray, pray, pray, pray for that man. It's actually cool. A lot of people I know have told stories and testimonies. Like I prayed for Hunter ⁓ and I, but like you can track back, people that had, you know, praying for their future husband, they were writing down prayers. And then when they eventually got married, they were able to go back and be like, my gosh, the dates that I wrote this prayer on this journal.
Andrea (:All the way.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:it literally coincides with what you were going through at that time. It's just so cool. Like, please pray for your husband. Yeah.
Andrea (:Yeah. ⁓ Bray, pray, pray.
Okay, feeling peace instead of butterflies in a relationship. Healthy. We mistake those all the time, don't we? I really think we do. ⁓ staying friends with an ex. I'm guilty. I'm so guilty of that.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Healthy. Healthy. Yes. Yep.
toxic. Well, let me let me specify because actually my friend was the other day
like, well, we are I'm still friends with him. I'm like, okay, there's a difference between being friendly. Like if you're in the same friend group. I remember I dated a guy in college, I went to a super small college and we saw each other every day. I wasn't like giving in the middle finger. I mean, I was friendly. But no, we are not friends. I don't tell you what's going on in my life. We don't hang out. We like no, no, no, no, no. That's not we're not. Yeah. Yeah.
Andrea (:Mm-hmm.
Right.
No.
Yeah. Yes. I think that's a really good distinction between the two.
Yeah. I think that's good. Okay. ⁓ dating someone for their potential instead of who they are right now. Toxic.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Toxic,
date according to patterns, not potential. You wanna date the patterns that they're showing you. Like Hunter, think there's a difference. Like Hunter, think had potential to be a great husband. The reason I knew that is because of the patterns of how he was stewarding being a good boyfriend. And so that's different than saying like, well, sometimes he's really nice. So he has so much potential. he's so gifted. He has the potential to be
Andrea (:Mm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:a really good boyfriend? No, no, no, no, no. Is he being a good whatever he is now? Like, is he showing patterns? So I would say toxic.
Andrea (:Mm. No.
Yeah. Yeah.
Collect the data. ⁓ okay, talking about marriage early on if you're dating intentionally. Healthy. And is there too early? Do you think there's too soon to do that?
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:next week.
Healthy.
No,
I mean, I think I had that conversation with Hunter two months in. I think it depends on like how quickly you feel like your feelings are growing. ⁓ That's a big thing. But also I don't think this conversation has to be weird. Like the way I positioned it with Hunter was I don't I'm not saying this is you man. Like I'm not saying you're my husband. Let's get married. That's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying this is my intention. Are our intentions aligned that we want to keep evaluating this for marriage?
Andrea (:Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:not that you are it. And sometimes I think we overcomplicate that. Like don't tell them, you know, you're my, I think you're my husband, they too, but you can tell them you're looking for that, you know?
Andrea (:We do.
Yeah.
Okay, I like that. I like that. ⁓ keeping dating apps on your phone, just in case.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Ooh. Or is this just in case like you're seeing somebody you like, but you want to back up or you're trying like what.
Andrea (:Yeah, I
think it's kind of like a just in case this doesn't work out, I'm gonna keep these open. Just so yeah, I kind of have a safe space to land. Should it not happen?
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Mmm.
Interesting.
I, okay. I could see both sides here. I would say if you are, you're, you are like dating someone and you're truly evaluating them and you're like, okay, actually there's, there's like a, there's something solid here. I would say toxic because I think sometimes we have too many options and we think that there's a perfect person out there because we have so many options and I just need to keep swiping. No one's perfect.
Andrea (:Mm.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:So I think what you need to do is you need to look at like their faith or your principles, make sure they're aligned and then like commit to that and see where that goes and trust that God is ultimately sovereign over his timing and your timing. like you can't mess up if this isn't the person God has for you, you're not missing out on somebody else that is. Also, I think can be tempted to me, I consider it deceitful if you're like talking to somebody.
Andrea (:Yeah.
⁓
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Even if it's a little vague, if you're seeing other people and then you like out of your own insecurity, go and try to start other conversations. I think you need to first figure out why are you insecure in the first place? Like that's the work to do. Not go start another relationship, but figure out why am I insecure that I need to be having all these backup options to begin? So I would say toxic because I feel like that whole thing is just dealing with a symptom, not the root of what's really going on.
Andrea (:Yeah.
Hmm. Good point.
Mm-hmm. Mm-mm.
Mm-hmm. Perfect. ⁓ your partner wanting alone time.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:healthy. I mean, it depends on why, but I, Hunter's like, what if Hunter's on our podcast, on this podcast, said, Andrea, the one thing I've learned about Annie since we've been married that I had no idea is how much alone time she needs, which is true. I'm like, I need alone time with the Lord, which I think is very healthy. So.
Andrea (:Healthy. Yeah.
And
Yes. That's great. That's so good.
⁓ okay, last one. Getting relationship advice from TikTok.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:okay. Ooh, again, another spectrum. depends on a couple of things. I think it depends on the source, obviously. I don't think you should be a good advice for anyone wanting advice on anything is don't take advice from someone that you don't want the fruit of what their life is. So like, I would never take working out advice from someone who's out of shape, for example. I would never take finance advice from someone who's broke. So if you're talking to somebody that
Andrea (:Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:they have a relationship that you're like, I don't want that relationship. Why would you take advice from them about relationships? But on the other end, I think sometimes, yeah, it can be healthy or toxic on Tik Tok in regards to like, I love, think podcasts like this are great or just, but like sometimes you get these little clips and they don't give the full context and it can kind of be taken out of
Andrea (:Yes, yes.
Yeah, just take it from us, right?
Mm-hmm.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:out of alignment sometimes. And so I think it's important to like, you know, someone else's journey isn't necessarily going to be yours. So it's like when you hear snippets or take advice, pray about it and figure out is the actual advice that caters to my specific situation, Lord. Cause advice is great, but you want to be careful who your counselors are.
Andrea (:Yeah. Yeah.
Mm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely. And watch a little bit more of it. Like read into it more. Like because we're all we're all looking for hooks, right? You're trying to give the hook. So you're just giving just a little bit enough to catch somebody, but it's not really even the right information or the whole the whole kit and caboodle. Yeah. Kit and caboodle. ⁓ so good. That was so good. Thank you. Thank you for playing healthier toxic. Those were perfect answers.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Totally. But getting the caboodle.
I love it!
Andrea (:All right, you guys, if you've ever questioned your timing, your worth, or whether love is still possible for you, I hope that today's conversation with Annie and I reminded you that life can change really quickly when you least expect it. So don't like stress over everything. We get so worked up about something not happening a certain way. And I'm almost positive you're the one who said this quote that I know I've stolen from you. Didn't you say, trust the planner, not the plan? Was that you? Or are you?
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:my gosh.
If it was, I cannot remember. I'll take credit for it. I really don't know. Why wasn't it? If I said that, thank you.
Andrea (:Take it. Cause I I say it all the
time now. I'm like, I'm like, it's so true. Trust the planner and not the plan. Right. Yep. Yep. All right. You guys make sure you are following Annie Annie. Where can they find you and your books and give us all the goods? You're so good. Yes.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:That's the planner, the sovereign planner, yep.
Yes. So
looks, I mean, easiest probably place would be Amazon that people can find. I know we got a lot of Amazoners on here, probably. Instagram, I live in my stories, but post on there regularly as well as YouTube, Spotify, wherever you listen to podcasts. When you're not listening to this one, you can listen to the Made Me Shine podcast. Yeah.
Andrea (:Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Yes. So good. So good. I loved all your wedding videos and all that stuff. Your clips and posts. They were so, so good. And should I just say right now, I mean, are we are we having any like baby trying soon? I might as well get my get my foreshadowing and my putting it out there going now. Can you imagine?
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Thank you.
You know what? I'm like, this
is gonna be the day that you get the news I'm pregnant with this is the day this is happening. No, we my gosh, I would love to have kids ⁓ at some point. Right now, my husband is still in school, so when he finishes school, we'll make some plans. Yes! When it comes time to get used to married life.
Andrea (:Can you imagine? I mean, we'd be bonded for life, Annie. We would
Yes. It's a bite.
Okay. We'll give some time on that. that's so good. So good.
Yes, very good. All right, you guys, thank you so much for listening. You can find me at from.missis.thenum.com. And don't forget that full videos are up on YouTube at from Mrs. to Ms. So it's even better to watch it than listen. So
All right, you guys, that's all we got for this week. Take care. Thank you, Annie. Thank you, thank you. All right, bye, guys. Bye.
Annie Mayfield Morlock (:Yeah.
